He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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