love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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