Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
