first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
