I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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