The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
