if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
