obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
