this beer tastes like vomit already
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
