We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
