The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
