i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
