i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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