It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
