my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
