Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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