roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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