if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
