just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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