my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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