I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
