He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
