hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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