oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
