I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
