I wish i was in the wii world.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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