There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
