I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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