STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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