Hey man sorry I got all grabby
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
