god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
