He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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