I wanna bring you to show and tell
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
