that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Everclear isn't food dammit
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
