She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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