So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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