There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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