I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
