Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
