i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
