Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
