I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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