Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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