wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
