Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
