If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
