i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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