i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
