Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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