Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize