Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Found your dick twin last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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