I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
