Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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