there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
