My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
