We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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