Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
