we have officially lost it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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