I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
