Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
