I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
