I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
