we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
