i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
