I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
