i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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