meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
