So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
