I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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