I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
